Hypocrsy Within!

Hypocrsy Within!

This article of mine talks about the hypocrsy of the society within!

This article is a conscious step to identify the gaps within the development scenario of Pakistan. My experience with working in the development sector dates back to 1998 when I joined the non-profit organization because of working with the people.

Since, my childhood I had been on the community front because of the fact that I am a priest daughter therefore I intended to work with the people.

With this thought I started my peoples journey. Initially my visits in the rural areas of Pakistan and meeting with indigenous people gave me respite and satisfaction in my own world. The hope in all kinds of vulnerabilities and nothingness challenged my hopelessness at times. Therefore, all this work took me in another mode of life where all the materials, luxuries and comfort turned out to be very unattractive to me as I thought life and its values are beyond these worldly and selfish wants. And that is what I was learning in the shape of being with the people. In the midst of all these transformations there were certain questions arising within me that started to bother me. And bother me to an extent where I thought I was loosing all my tolerance and will power. In 2000 when Tharparkar was in grip of severe drought, I along with two colleagues of mine went to assess the situation. The first question that struck me hard during that visit was that how come approximately 120 NGOs and CBOs working in this small area without bringing a change. Without even being able to make a model village or project.

I was completely lost for few days as this touched me so very deeply. I started to wonder that resources wise the pasture is pretty green than how come the situation is drought-like? This very simple question just occurred to be gigantic. But in reality this was not at all a simple question as it hold onto our future. The future of our work and the future of my commitment and hard work. Yet, holding on it I was drowning into work until I initiated to analyse some very true facts of the work.With my experience and work I had begun to be very well recognized in my field.. And recognition certainly meant that you start knowing people in return. During this time I figured out some very crude realities that was so very painful that it left my heart and mind swaying in the wilderness of desolation. It just melted me into depression and helplessness because for the first time in my life the characters of the so called development workers or change agents were revealed to me. And what a agonizing truth was it.. I closely saw that most of these workers who tend to claim that they are the change agents are nothing but womanizers in reality. Who get fed up with their wives either they are too compatible or least compatible and would then try or hook up with their coworkers or other women and play with their innocent emotions or situations. Yet, these people claim to be gender sensitive and talk about woman's respect and honour where in hidden they are the ones who intend todisrespect woman in all forms.I was annoyed and still I thought that no there are good and bad people everywhere. We cant just judge everything on the basis of being negative. No matter how much I satisfied myself but still I was becoming agitated. Then with this kind of feeling accumulating within, I was way intense in my work. I was thinking to revolutionize believing that NO WE HAVE TO FIGHT ALL THESE NORMS AND DO OUR CONTRIBUTION.

Until I was in the field and another kind of experience occurred that jeopardized all activism within me and just jerked me to a realization that I am nothing but only a human. And not only human but a Woman. I was distressed and it was the sadness of hopelessness in the development scenario. I was in the field and we were in the village of Mirpurkhas where the villagers do make alcohol and are into excessive drinking. And suddenly we all started to say that its not a good habit as its injurious to health. And tried to motivate the people. But only then it hit me that what double standards? I was fighting within the conflicts of preaching and practice therefore I thought that how fake it appears to be?? When in reality most of the development workers do not hesitate to drink in excess. But they all name it de-stressing themselves of workload.. On contrary they are not afraid of giving long lecture to these poor villagers of do's and don'ts. What a contrast? how can what is right for the villagers can be so wrong for the change agents? There are countless experiences that could be shared but I am mentioning only those that hurt me most. Post 11th September, was in one of the refugee camp in All day long I talked he refugees which made me cry several time. By the evening we had come back to our office and the hungry faces were etched on my heart and I was so disturbed that I couldn't smile. We went to eat in a restaurant and to my surprise we wasted all what we ordered just because we didn't like it. It was just too painful to even stand the sight of being inclusive in doing something like that and forgetting that there are millions who sleep hungry everyday. Then what really bothered me was that when we go to visit the indigenous people. There are development workers who just claim to be most sensitive yet when go in the field they forget their real work. Infact they get more interested in taking pictures of the desolated people and that too in different poses? It just made me think that as if we are selling the vulnerabilities of the people? As if we are non profit but in reality sail in the boat of profit maximizers.

This false engraving on real work is the reason that the work is not glittering. I started to wonder that how can we even talk about empowering the under privileged people when we can not empower ourselves. When to us the communities are some rural village and not ourselves? When we are not in reality sensitive but doing this work just because its a well paid profession with lots of travelling. and when we don't practice what we preach? Isn't this the major gap in the development scenario. For what I believed in is that commitment certainly is not working for 18 hours or more but it is to live with the people. Understand each other needs, learn and unlearn and practice what we preach. Commitment is to live with people if you are visiting a village rather than finding a hotel at some distance for one own?s comfort. How can we dwell one sensitive heart when our words and actions totally differs? When we are nothing but just hypocrites proving to be change agents and not knowing what change really means to ourselves and others.

In conclusion, I would just ask all my friends to reflect on such issues and try to improve and bridge those gaps. So, that the stories of development work of Pakistan could also be highlighted with other Asian countries. So, a woman like me who could not fight with both the internal and external conflicts will not leave her commitment, her home town, her people and happiness but stay and be a human and not just a woman.

Eileen Laldin 2002