Posted by Archuna on Sunday April 23, @10:02AM
She lies in bed staring at the blank darkness. As if the pressures of graduate school were not sufficient to occupy her mind, she ponders the meaning of life. More than that, she ponders the meaning of woman.
Was she seven or eight, when, seeing an NRI relative visit home, the accompanying sleek baggage, cellophane coated packages, crisp scented clothes’she thought she might one day, cross the seven seas? It was the dream of a life of comfort, freedom and opportunity that drew her to the West. The movies could not lie. It was clean, green and oh, so beautiful. The automatic doors and escalators, that somehow seemed to fit into the landscape, not to ruin its natural beauty, but to enhance its comfort. A car was almost as natural as having your own apartment (even for a woman!). Then there were the dates”
Would she have all of this? Everything? Well, did it really matter? Anything would be better than this life in a polluted, over-crowded city where beggars thrived among dubious kings.
With time she also grew in maturity and learned to rise above these physical pains. But how could she help her mind feeling stifled? Wasn’t this the absolute wrong environment for a woman of above average intelligence whose views bordered on independence? Surely the West would understand and nurture her“
And so she made it. Without marriage or any other ”womanly means.“ It was clean and impressive ” she was an Ivy League scholar-ess.
The sleepless nights like this one had started right after. “What am I doing here”, she wondered, “when all but one of my friends are long married. Are they losers or am I the one who has lost her way?” Not that success precludes marriage — just makes it harder.
There is the age-old age factor. Success unfortunately does not come in an instant. Thankfully diet and exercise can steal time away from the biological clock. But how in the world does one find a suitable groom?
Someone who has more than the ability to procreate, hopefully be a breadwinner and maybe marginally meets aspirations. He has to be broadminded and understanding. She stifled a giggle. Those matrimonial columns, always in tune with the times, had nowadays begun to abundantly include this phrase and other impressions of it, along with the traditional “tall, dark and handsome”. But that of course, did not mean a thing. Not back home, and, as she way learning to her dismay, not even out here.
“Ha!” she remembered one of the prospective grooms she had been very excited about meeting. He had been in the West awhile and had literary inclinations, a combination that made her hope that he had exalted views about marriage and gender equality.
“You are a dove trying to flap your wings Where Eagles Dare.” he had said “Remember, the higher you rise, the harder you will fall!” Then, seeing the look on her face, he had hastily backtracked, “Not suggesting that you cannot stay up there, but remember, it will be a solo path and it will sure get lonely at the top”
What was he anyway, Alistair MacClean and Nostradamus rolled into one?
After the initial irritation had worn-off she had to admit that what his colorful phrases were alluding to, was merely the general truth. When a woman gets too successful, she gets lonely. For there are not too many males who can live with that success. And even if she did meet the miracle man, would she not then be tempted to take time off and commit herself to raising a family? Career be damned.
To what end then, this education and achievement for women? Maybe it was the mindless commitment to an ambitious albeit solo path, as our literary pundit had described. Or, for some other, it might turn out to be a delaying exercise that would culminate in a hasty, desperate search for a groom, any groom, before she missed the proverbial boat. Hedging, they called it in the world of Finance.
She felt like she had inadvertently entered the Grand Prix and had one of two options. She could either pullover for the inevitable ninth month break when her competitors would only halt for all of nine seconds (that’s how long it took those racers to change wheels these days). Or, she could shoot ahead with all her grit and win the race - just when all around were wondering what the hell she was doing in the driver’s seat in the first place!
“But there has to be a resolution!” “I haven’t crossed seven seas to feel as stifled as I did before.” And then it dawned upon her. The issue was still gender, never Geography. Women this side of the world were also struggling to define the meaning of that enigmatic word “Woman”. They may be a step ahead of their counterparts, but they still had miles to go“
”“miles to go before I sleep”’ she found herself muttering the quote that she had learnt at school, and eventually, sleep overcame her.
What stayed with you?
A line that lingered, a feeling, a disagreement. Great comments are as valuable as the original piece.