Dependence Vs Independence

Dependence Vs Independence

“Primary dependence of any form is the worst thing a man can do to himself.” Meera(not real name) is telling me.

I am inside Jail no. 2 of the Central Jail. Meera is an inmate convicted for having murdered her husband. She’s busy packing the namkeen and trying to talk to me. Its lunch break and we get up to move towards the common room.

Her six-year-old daughter is back from school. Meera wants to talk, but my age acts as an impediment. “ Didi you wouldn’t understand, I am really happy here. I am independent, I am leading my own life.”

“But a jail is a jail.” I remind her bluntly.

“No, this is not the case. Yes, I want to be out of this place, but today being out is different from what it was then.”

“What has changed now?” I am trying to open her up, and biting the much-talked about jail ki roti. Reminds me, the jail ki roti is very popular here. The convict has an option to buy the roti on the day of his hearing. Its a myth, the more he pays the more liberal lady luck would get.

“Back then, I was never happy. I was always dependent on one person or the other. First subjugated by my parents, then my husband. I started working at ten. Life was different then. Every woman in the basti was supposed to work, and this itself was a big support. I never got any money in my hand. My father would beat me, and I always thought of running away.. but where? I was dependent, I needed shelter, support, a man’finally they got me married, and I moved out. I thought things would change now, specially after Shakul was born. But they didn’t. I wanted to do something, but could never do anything. Till he married again, and the atrocities increased. And then, it just happened“.”She tells me how she killed him. I start feeling uncomfortable. And she doesn’t realize it. After lunch I go back to the namkeen factory where all of them are talking noisily and pursuing what seems to be the best occupation of their time.

Meera is completely independent now. In spite of being in the jail, she earns her own money, leads her life the way she wants to and has a bright future to look forward to. And she is happy for the first time in years. And isn’t that the only thing which matters.. your happiness?

Its tea time. I am sitting in the park and writing this. Life goes on in this little township housing more than nine thousand people.

“Primary dependence of any form is the worst thing a man can do to himself.” May be. But how true is this statement? What is primary dependence? Dependence on the self? And how does one become self dependent?

As social beings we are dependent on the society and the society on us. We are born as dependent beings, but gradually with time, we grow, mature and move towards independence. As the master of our lives, we choose whatever we want . Being dependent is an easy way in the short run, but in the long run, as we mature and grasp the basic truths about life, it dawns upon us that perhaps being independent is the best way to lead our lives.

Independence- emotionally, mentally, physically and financially; is a matter of choice. If you are mentally independent, you would have your own thoughts. You would be guided by your own reasoning, rather than seeking reasons and answers from others. If you are emotionally independent, you would accept yourself as you are and start loving your self. You would no longer seek acceptance from outside, and start moving on a path where you start loving your self in a self-acting way. Independence makes you a more self-reliant person, where only your growth matters most to you. And why not, every man for himself.. right..

Its wonderful to be independent from all those aspects. But we are not staying alone. We live with this world. And so, we are interdependent. But there’s a difference. Interdependence means moving synchronically with others. The best way to understand would be through the growth and love example. I can grow alone, but independence takes time. We get together, share our thoughts and experiences, and grow more bountifully. I (referring to all) love myself, makes me more capable of loving others and others loving me. That makes me happy internally. .then why not? If you are physically independent, you can do your work alone. But if two people can get together and do the same work, then what’s the harm. That’s physical interdependence. Nature is such that it demands interdependence from us. And things that teach most, like relationships, are based on interdependence too.

So, as individuals what should our aim be” Independence or interdependence? Interdependence after achieving independence gives us the maximum satisfaction. Only a person, who is truly, I emphasize, truly independent can really be truly interdependent, and achieve happiness.

But that’s a personal choice.

( yaa, Howard Roark leads an independent life with ease. But check out the environment in which he operates. Unless one is not emulating Roark, to the extent that only being the character matters and not the happiness of the self!)