The Rear View Mirror

Posted by Reluctant on Friday November 03, @05:50PM

Another day in life.

I could hear the giggling of my kids jumping at the back seat of the car while I was trying to park it outside the Lake. I re-adjusted the rear view mirror to have a look at them and could see both of them hurrying to get out of the car as I parked it. The way, the younger one tagged along the older one, my mind just crossed the boundaries of time to the time when I was as old as my younger son now. I used to be so dependent on my brother all the time as he always seemed to know all the things, always had new games, new ideas. I used to feel so bad on being the younger one. It seemed as if everyone had the right to teach you something. I was in quite a hurry to grow up then and show to everyone that I could do the things better. Life had its own priorities then. My father had a scooter and I would always have a fight with my brother for the standing place at front, as it looked more independent than sitting in the middle of the parents. With a bang, kids ran out of the car and my wife hurried after them so as to help them cross the road. As I started getting up, I saw a young pair in my rear view mirror, walking hands in hands and smiling at each other. Quite a lovely young couple. A scene flashed through my mind again, when I first came to this place with a girl. Yes, it was my first date. I simply was in all airs when I asked a girl who stayed in my neighborhood, out for an evening and she agreed. It was quite a triumph over my friends, who still had not got any such chance. I had a feeling that it was her first time too as we both walked nervously and did not know what to talk. We returned quite early, both feeling a bit relieved to be out of the tough situation, and probably both half convinced to be in love with each other. Well, the love did not take long to fizzle out as I soon was in love with another girl.

"Dad, what are you doing?" Shouted the elder one from the other side of the road and I was jolted out of my thoughts. I shouted back to them to carry on as I would be there in another two minutes. They were again busy in themselves and I with my thoughts. How time passed on. I grew up and saw more of life in the professional college. It was there that I formed some opinions that stayed with me for the major part of my life, though only to be either thrashed out or nearly reframed finally. I was busy figuring out what and how should the next years of mine, be dealt with regardless of whatever career I choose and whatever means of earnings I have. Life was quite simple for me and I was quite confident of myself. I believed that answers are lying everywhere and it is just a question of being aware enough to pick and grasp them. Also that was the time, when I found out the thrill and kicks you get on being out of the crowd. I did realize afterwards though that staying out of crowd is not the same as staying distinguished and for that you necessarily do not have to revolt against each and every accepted way of life.

Now when I looked at my graying hair in the mirror, I felt that a long time had passed since then and now I had lot more better things to do rather than sit and think about all that. I adjusted the mirror back to its original position to find that the same lovely couple had decidedly broken up and the girl could be heard angrily talking to the boy as both walked away in opposite directions. The boy surely looked depressed. He sure has a long way to go, I thought. I married at quite a young age, as I was deep drowned under the ocean of love. The whole life centered at one point and joy was spread all over. At one point of time, we could not bear even a moment of separation and then we had a time when it was difficult to bear even a moment of other's presence. It was surely a time when the life was doomed and I could see nothing but darkness ahead. I would sit for hours alone and could not come to any conclusion every time. This was the time when I rearranged the thoughts in my mind and tried to build my life again on building blocks other than love and relations. I believed I could never get out of that hole of darkness but life had its plans for me. Everything was settled again with the difference that we were not lovers any more.

I could see an old couple walking across the road in the mirror. This is how I will be after a couple of years, I thought. Life seems so plain and simple now. Always, I had been trying to figure out what is to be done, how to give another shape to the life and whether it will be possible for me to linger on with this simple pattern of life where one marries, has children and then dies. All of it seems so natural now. Maybe I have given up or maybe I have just accepted the truth. But now I don't have those long nights of brain storming, where the agenda used to be to figure out what exactly should be done and answers to how's and why's were sought after. Maybe its because I have had my share of experiments with whatever I wanted to try out. It is hard to accept mediocrity at the later stage of life but it is better to accept it even then than to deny it still.

I got up from my seat wondering what all I had gone through this last half an hour. The rear view mirror of my car seems to have become the mirror of my past and future. I packed it up instead of adjusting it and got up to buy the ice creams for the kids, saying goodbye to the mirror, for time being at least.