Happiness ...where does it come from ??

Not much of heavy words ...may not even make sense to some Just what came to my mind !!!

I had been brought up in a loving family and "happiness" was always synonymous to being loved by all who were around ."A great day " was a day when we were all together ...having fun together ..sharing

I grew up ..and before i knew i had love ..."love sought is good ..but given unsought is better "...and so it was for me . I was HAPPY ..again because those around me ..loved me .I had that warmth which drew people towards me .Was I in love ??Was it happiness because "I" was happy or was it because i made others happy?It had been like this ever since..it would be like this forever ..until HE came ...

He had been brought up in a way which taught him to live life for himself .In love with his independance .."hurt " never touched him ..because he knew what i did not know ..that Happiness comes from within .

He showed me a whole new world ...of "me"..where i could expolre myself ..my feelings ..my strengths ....where i could love myself and feel happy about it and not depend on someone else to give that happiness to me .It came as freshness to me ...this new experience ..flung open a thousand doors,gave me wings to fly..courage to dream ...answered many a questions and for the first time i knew for sure that "I" was happy !!

I felt each string which had held me so tightly ever since i was born , losening a bit ..not that much that it would give way but yes --enough to let me breath easily .

But before i realised, with each string losening ..one string kept tightening and that was with HIM !!!I was in trouble ..because i was happy in this island of mine but WITH him ..Yes he did teach me not be dependant on someone else but then with him i had explored so much of myself that now he was a part of "me " .So simply had he become a part of me ..yet i forgot that i was not a part of him and would never be .It was not simple for him ...to break away from this independance ..to have someone wait for him ..to have someone depend on him ..to have someone hurt him .He felt .... but maybe it was not easy for him to give in to an another source of happiness in his life ...happiness should come from within right ???So that you never can get hurt ..never feel deserted ..never be unhappy coz the control is with you ..u are the master ...

Twenty four yrs of grooming had made him strong enough to fight with "us" and make "him " victorious and twenty four years of grooming made "me" lose to "us "..

And so just as he had come ..he went away ...with his belief that happiness comes from within leaving me wondering ...because i miss him ..and i am not happy

Is it worth it? Seeking happiness from within and having no one to share it Is it worth it? Not having someone who means enough to hurt u ..and yet again not having someone with whom love grows even stronger after u know how much he cud hurt u Is it worth it? To live life alone ..and not having someone who has tears when u part and smiles when u unite Is it worth it ? To have no permanance but yet not have someone u can share a part of yourself with ..ure choicest secrets ..ure "closest to heart" dreams ...ure fears

Its just once that we live ...do we really have to fight with ourselves ..to become the captain ..even if it means inflicting pain ?Why not give in and live the moments that we have ..

What is happiness and where should it come from ..i still wonder