Hey Presto Today I'm a Yogi Tommorow I'm God Incarnate

Hey Presto Today I'm a Yogi Tommorow I'm God Incarnate

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Posted by Linus on May 18, 2003 (Sunday)

Well it's true . I am truly mystic yogi.But wait !! I 'm gonna be God Himself

Believe it or not!! I just became a yogi. Hey I am not kidding guys, I am damn serious. I am truly a yogi. I just had my kundalini shakthi (life force) raised to my ajna chakra (sort of spiritual powerhouse). Gimme a few more weeks I�d be God himself, surely

Well, for the well being of my brotherhood (that is supposed to be all you people out there!!) Lemme share the million dollar secret, the true remedy to the problems of this corrupt and temporary world which is nothing but Maya (Do I sound like a GodMan? I intend to be one) Yoga is the new fetish that would deliver you from the miseries of this false world. Believe me it�s true coz I am a liberated soul now. It has been a long and arduous task that lasted for a very long period of, hold your breath, T H R E E L O N G D A Y S ..

It all began one good morning when I looked into the newspaper and an ad screamed at me � Yogiraj Maharshi SWAMI XXXji is gonna be in town for 3 days. Come and experience the divine bliss.. � And all blah blah blah . It was pretty appealing, the idea of experiencing, what was that? , Divine bliss. It was the lean period at work when I had my time off but after much thought I decided I had better things to do and the whole thing was forgotten episode.

A week went by, and one lazy morning , Yogiraj Swami XXX ji was smiling at me. Hey wasn�t this guy supposed to be in Boston or anywhere but in India . But my newspaper was kind enough to inform me that Maharshi Yogiraj XXX ji has decided to stay back for some more time due to GROWING PUBLIC DEMAND !!!!!! There has to be some stuff in this self proclaimed GodMan if he is so much in want thought poor me .. After a week of pondering over this subject I finally decided to be initiated by Yogiraj XXX . But there was a slight problem . The self proclaimed God Man would have left ��

Miracles do happen . You know this old Indian saying � God takes four steps to man if he takes just one" That did happen .My newspaper , by now my Bible, my Koran , my Gita , told me that Yogiraj XXX was staying back for another week . This time due to INCREASING PUBLIC DEMAND . This miracle , this sign from God himself , further strengthened my resolve to become his disciple.

I called up the number listed in the advertisement where a chic (beautiful I believe) picked up and ever so politely told me all the classes where full and I couldn�t be taken in. I was ever so desperate that she suggested that the only way I could get in would be shelling out another ten grand. The thoughts of my new music system hovered but common sense prevailed. After all it was DIVINE BLISS at stake. The first of the three-day class was to begin that afternoon and with no time to waste. I rushed out to buy a new sweatshirt and pair of trousers that would let me stretch out.

Just in time for the class the staff politely asked to remove my clothing and change into the ones they would provided. Shelling out another eight hundred bucks for it didnt seem irrational as I was determined and at no cost wanted miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity.

For the first two days there was no sign of His Divine Grace Yogiraj Maharshi XXX ji . Meanwhile our group of twenty was taught all sorts of twisting and turning that no one in their right minds would do. It was nothing but agony. But it was a question of eternal bliss ain�t it? Or was it the fact that I could not accept the fact that I paid fifteen grand for some one to fool me ?

The last afternoon I did see Swamiji. He walked into the ashram (more of a five star hotel) alighting from his Mercedes . Bhajans were being sung all over as he smiled and waved at us. We were told that each would have a private session with Swamiji himself that day. My eyes lit up. I was finally going to meet him. Ooohhhhh excited at the prospect,it seemed all the trouble I took was worth it.

At last I did get to meet him. He smiled ever so warmly at me and blowed into my ears a secret mantra ( U thought I was gonna tell you that ? No way I shelled out fifteen grand for that six syllabled hocus pocus). He asked me close my eyes and repeat the mantra. Just on closing closing my eyes , he touched my back and told me he had aroused my kundalini shakthi and called for the next person.Spellbound .I left the room when a senior disciple ushered me to her desk and told me I was a pratyahara yogi now as my senses were totally controlled . Bullshit , cursing myself I had a good mind to show her all the control I had over my senses.

Suddenly realization dawned on me. All the stupid twisting and turnig I did so devoutly could be found on any exercise tape. I must be the biggest fool around and ofcourse the other nineteen with me .WAIT!! But on an inner note, Hadn�t I been enlightened ? Things appear to me the way they truly are , don't they ? Well that was what they promised.

"Swamiji" I cried aloud . Shivering with ecstasy and passion.I immediately signed up for the higher level course which promised to help me realize I was GOD himself. But a voice in the back of my head said � How can you be the Almighty himself when you aren't mighty enought to wrestle your pet dog" How can I be God the all knowing one without knowing it at all ? Well that is what His Divine Grace Yogiraj Maharshi Swami XXX ji was for , ain�t he ? And what was fifty grand when you become God himself ?

So everybody watch out !! In three weeks time I�d heal the diseased , raise the dead , shower gold on my devotees , offer a easy path to liberation . All this for only twenty grand .

So watch out for MAHAYOGI SWAMI LINUS ji in all leading newspapers . Three weeks to go . The countdown begins....